A year ago tomorrow I became a mom for the first time. I feel like the time flew by and now my little boy is a toddler. He is walking around! He is so happy and such a joy that I cannot even imagine what my life was like without him. He laughs, babbles, walks, plays, and now we are even taking swimming lessons. I also have a new respect for my mom. The level of sacrifice, worry, and joy of parenthood is something that I don't think you can truly comprehend until you hold that little bundle in your arms. So thanks mom and sorry for all those times I made you worry.
Being a mom is so wonderful, beautiful, incredible.........and extremely difficult. I haven't slept in a year. It was probably more than a year because I know I wasn't sleeping the last month or so of my pregnancy. While I complain about the lack of sleep, I actually have no concrete memory of being well-rested so I'm really not all that upset about it. I secretly enjoy some of those middle of the night feedings where my baby snuggles up next to me and nurses before drifting back into his baby dreams. Those crazy love hormones override any other emotion or selfish thought I might have and I just know I would do anything for him. Which apparently includes getting up every 3-5 hours for the past year.
So what have I learned since becoming a mother? That as my parenting class teacher says, "We were all such good parents before we became parents." And by that I mean it is so easy to judge parents and plan what kind of parent you will be when you don't actually have any kids. You see the screaming child in the grocery store, the breastfeeding mom, the bottle feeding mom, the mom who doesn't let their kid eat sugar, the one who lets them eat anything, the mom who lets their kids watch TV, the mom who goes to work, and the mom who stays home. The list could go on and on. I personally had several preconceived (and ridiculous) notions of how I was going to be as a mom. Pretty much everything I thought I would and wouldn't do is different. Here is a small snippet of things I have come to realize.
1. Feeding (breast, bottle, and regular food): I am still breastfeeding! I am shocked, but it is easy now and my little guy is attached so I think I will probably stick with it for the time being. I never ever thought I would breastfeed this long and I always sort of thought that women who did it past 6 months were a little insane. In terms of real food he eats pretty much everything, but I admit that I have given him food that I never thought I would or should. I do try to get him to eat healthy, organic veggies, fruits, yogurt, etc. But some days all he wants to eat for breakfast is animal crackers with peanut butter or nutella. And the kid loves hot dogs and boxed macaroni and cheese. I cringe when I think of how I used to judge moms who gave their kids processed food to stop the whining.
2. TV/Screen time: I was convinced that we would never let our kid see a TV screen until the age of two. Do you know how hard it is to not have a TV on during football season? I mean let's be reasonable people! I try my best not to have the TV on most of the time he is awake, but it is really more difficult than one would think. We don't plop him down to watch cartoons, but most days he gets just a little big screen. And I am okay with that. Really, I am. Okay I still have issues with this one, but I am trying not to be too hard on myself.
3. Working: I am now a stay at home mom. I never, ever, in my wildest dreams ever thought I would stay home. I just had no idea how much I would want to be there for every moment. I went back to work when he was three months old and I quit when he was seven months old. And thankfully it worked out for us financially (thus far) so I have been able to be home with my little guy. It has been a little weird emotionally for me because I always assumed I would be a working mom. Those stay at home moms always struck me as a little odd. And now here I am planning my days around story times and naps. Sometimes I worry about my place in the economy because I am taking a little break, but I have to have faith that it will all work out. I am thinking of going back to graduate school so that when he is a little older I can go to work and he can go to preschool.
And sleep...I have no idea about sleep so I will refrain from even commenting on that. I just know that I will never look at a mom funny when she says she hasn't slept in months, let's her kid cry it out, or that she co-sleeps. You gotta do what you gotta do.
So on the eve of my baby's birthday I would like to apologize to all those moms and dads whose parenting decisions I questioned or criticized. I also feel the need to laugh at myself for all the notions that I had about how I was going to raise my little monkey. I thought I was a good parent before I became a parent, but now I just try to go with the flow.
It's a good day when there is no poop on the floor.
